©Vince Pawless 2019

Well, yer a cowboy, mister. Yer a little early for cowboy church, so you must be here for the alcohol. A cowboy wears cowboy boots, sometimes. A cowboy wears a belt around those jeans like a cowboy. A cowboy’s mother has a buckle on the mantle from the last rodeo. A cowboy rides, a cowboy is a wrangler, a cowboy works cattle. A cowboy drives an F-150, a cowboy is a bronco buster, a cowboy is a vaquero, a cowboy is a gaucho, a cowboy can be a cattle rustler, a cowboy is a cow puncher, Ouch!

A cowboy is a stockman, a cowboy is a cowhand. A cowboy can be a rancher, a cowboy can be a cowpoke, a cowboy is a herdsman, a cowboy knows cattle, a cowboy knows the man that owns the cattle. A cowboy knows the quiet on the range, a cowboy knows the chuck wagon after a daze ride. A cowboy will ride till after dark, a cowboy will walk an old lady across the street. A cowboy will tip his hat to the cowgirls. A cowboy knows the movie set, a cowboy is in Hollywood, a cowboy is in the White House. A cowboy is from New York City. A cowboy will fix yer flat, a cowboy will buy you lunch, a cowboy can figure the tip. A cowboy will get up earlier than you.

A cowboy is a drover, some cowboys want an F-150, but can only afford an older model Dodge to get down to Tractor Supply. Sometimes the cowboy wears cowboy boots, other times sneakers. So who’s the stranger in the shades with the cowboy hat? If yer gonna spend yer money you might as well get a Stetson cowboy hat. Welcome to Texas.

The stockyards in Fort Worth are full of cowboys. The Dallas Cowboys, drugstore cowboys, Cowboys and Indians. Cow catcher, cow pie, cow cake, cow chips, cow country, cowboy country, cow jazz. No rain, no grass? Cowboys have to creep feed with hay. Not much of a cowboy, less than a cowboy, the lonesome cowboy, the stand up cowboy. Sit down with that cowboy, you might pick up something you can use. And just when you think you got that cowboy’s number, the cowboy will ride off into the sunset.

Don’t tell a woman how to boil noodles.